Terrific dictionary this is! More updates to come…
To ALL Employees
It has been brought to the management’s attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.
The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the management has compiled the following code phrases so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.
OLD PHRASE NEW PHRASE He asks too many questions He is good at reaching out to people for information. No fucking way I’m not certain that’s feasible You’ve got to be shitting me Really. Tell someone who gives a fuck Perhaps you should check with… Ask me if I give a fuck Of course I am concerned. It’s not my fucking problem I wasn’t involved in that project. What the fuck? Interesting behavior. Fuck it, it won’t work I’m not sure i can implement this. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that sooner I’m trying to schedule that. When the fuck do you expect me to do this? Perhaps I can work late. Who the fuck cares? Are you sure it’s a problem? He’s got his head up his ass He’s not familiar with the problem. Eat shit You don’t say Eat shit and die Excuse me? Eat shit and die, motherfucker Excuse me, sir? What the fuck do they want from my life? They weren’t happy with it? Kiss my ass So you’d like my help with it? Fuck it, I’m on salary I’m a bit overworked at the moment. Shove it up your ass I don’t think you understand. This job sucks I love a challenge Who the hell died and made you boss You want me to take care of this? Blow me I see Blow yourself Do you see? Another fucking meeting Yes, we should discuss this. I really don’t give a shit I don’t think it will be a problem. Fuck you How nice. How very nice.